Hat Trick

In one day Mallory started to crawl, pulled to standing and moved from her belly back into sitting! It was a gross motor hat trick. Gone are the idle days of baby-hood. Our little girl is on the toddler fast track.

I vividly remember the day that Brady maneuvered his body from belly into sitting. He was in his crib and Jeff and I were parent stalking at the door. He levered his body like a magician and prest-o! He was up! Jeff and I screamed and shouted like a couple of high school cheerleaders. The moment is etched in my mind forever and is truly one of my favorites.

Tomorrow Mallory is 9 months old and Brady is pleased with her progress. He has decided she is now worthy of his mentorship. He wanted to wait for her to mature enough to handle his "program." His immediate plans involve a crash course in throwing 101. Her southpaw is lacking and he can't have a sister that can't throw, it's embarrassing! After that, he plans to tackle the walking business. If he is going to have a viable playmate, she needs to transfer to two wheels stat! Of course no mentorship would be complete without a proper social curriculum. Brady will share some of his greatest communal talents, with the understanding that two charming children will ultimately score double the loot.

Bunny

Brady is filing a complaint with The Easter Bunny, Inc. Here is the abbreviated version;

Dear Easter Bunny,

I'm disappointed in your failure to fill my plastic little eggs with grapes, cookies and/or $50 bills as I requested. I scavengered over the hills and through the woods looking for those blessed oval prizes and not a single one contained the items I so kindly asked for. In an effort to remedy the situation I am demanding a basket of vanilla cream cookies and 3 crisp $100 bills, delivered to my door step by 6:46pm tomorrow..........(more demands, more demands....etc.)

Thank you for your kind attention,

Sincerely,

Brady

On another note... Mallory started crawling! Our little girl is on the move. Maybe her new found mobility will help her trim off some of her 22.9lbs! Yeah that's right 22.9lbs!!! She's a brick house!

Evidence

You see that black dot below Brady's nose??? This isn't his best imitation of Cindy Crawford, a salute to Charlie Chaplin or a booger. It's EVIDENCE. Evidence that someone has been playing in the plants again. In life Brady has a few favorite things; texting, flirting, grapes, cookies and playing in the plants. Finger raking the potting soil has earned him several 2 minute vacations to solitary confinement. (time out is too friendly, so we thought we would hard'n the sentence). In total he has spent 14 hours staring at the wall.

I'm not sure how effective the punishment is, because Brady can make anything entertaining. Somehow an empty corner becomes Six Flags. He chuckles to himself as if he was at a Comedy show.

I'm sure a swat on the rear would temporarily deter him, but we don't believe in that technique. (FYI- I just read a TIME magazine article that stated; 3 year old children who were spanked are 45% more likely to display aggressive behaviors as 5 year olds). I know, I know...."I was spanked as a kid and I turned out okay." Times, they are a change'n!

Clapster

This should make you smile. Brady taught Mallory this new trick for selfish reasons...to create his very own super fan. Of course he has set up some ground rules for the newest member of his entourage. One; he must be greeted with applause upon entering a room, any room! Two; Mallory and all family members must applaud all comical efforts, because as we all know, no one is funnier than Brady. Lastly, applause must last for no less than 14 seconds and have an output of 60 decibels. Other than her inadequate decibel output, Mallory is a quick study. Brady couldn't be happier with her progress!

The Gap

Brady and Mallory are 727 days apart, but the age gap is quickly closing. Mallory is gaining on B man by the second. She is sailing through her milestones.The other night I had my nifty check list out and was just laughing how quickly I crossed off many of her skills. Brady is and has always met his milestones, but after much diligence and hard work. Mallory seems to be on autopilot. At this point I'm not sure which way I prefer it. Brady slowed things down to an idle pace that let us really rejoice in every accomplishment, but I'm also wowed by Mallory's independence. I guess I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to enjoy their stages from two different perspectives.

Brady can't wait for Mallory to move beyond the baby stage. He needs a viable playmate stat! He is choreographing his own version of Cirque Du Soleil and he thinks Mallory would be a good co star. He installed a trapeze over his bed and he has perfected his "motorcycle in a cage" routine. Oh and you can count on a dance number featuring the stank leg. It will be the new greatest show on earth!

Spring

Brady made it through the 5 days of steroids, but they are still coursing through his veins. He has been on a roller coaster of emotions. I feel like I'm dealing with a 13 year old girl vs. a toddler. One moment he is exploding with happiness and showing Mallory all the joys of the world and the next he is trying to dead lift her by her neck. She has officially put in for a new family transfer. It's been two days since his last dose, so I'm hoping we are through the worst of it.

On the upside he is eating like he's a 300 lb man at a Las Vegas buffet. He doesn't even get a clean plate before returning for thirds, fourths.... I'm sure this won't last and he'll be back to grapes and waffles in no time. He swears that's how he keeps up his manly physique.

Roids

Brady decided to end the cookie ban...his way. His way?? By staging a life or death situation that makes Mom and Dad give in! Brady has fine tuned his dramatic character work and decided to test it out on dear old Ma and Pa. Friday night Brady woke up at 10:45 sounding like a dying crow and gasping for air. This totally freaked us out. He was pale and hysterical. Jeff scooped him up and took him to the ER. They must have been impressed by Brady's condition because they let us bypass triage and were giving him a breathing treatment within 5 min. I wish it was as simple as that. The way Jeff tells it Brady put up a battle for the ages. It took 9 nurses (including Jeff) to hold him down. To say the least, Brady isn't the biggest fan of anything medical. I used to wear scrubs while doing artwork...not anymore. Brady absolutely loses his head and somehow develops the strength of 50 men. They tried to start an IV, no luck. They tried to get an O SAT reading on him, no way. They tried to take his blood pressure, hell no. Brady challenged conventional medical techniques. In the end they said "he looks good and we are pretty certain he's not going to pass out." Check! After about an hour, a breathing treatment, a steroid injection and a Croup diagnosis, Brady was improving! They decided to keep him overnight for observation. He did eventually settle down once he figured out that no one was going to kill him and the nice nurses were actually there to help him.

They sent us home Saturday morning with a prescription of steroids....Dun DUN, DA Dun!!! Yeah, that's right the roid man is back and boy is he nasty! He will mess you up big time. Mallory has already fallen victim to one if his rages. Thank God Bill has relocated! Fortunately, Brady only has 2 more days on the juice. If your in the neighborhood stop by for a knuckle sandwich, and if you want to make it out alive, cookies are the only thing that tame the beast.